What’s different about dating in your 50s, compared with your 20s and 30s?
The biggest difference is you have some experience. You already have a love story inside you. You’re a lot freer. You’ve completed your adult tasks, which are to raise a family and establish yourself in the community. In your 20s, 30s, and 40s, you have a really long to-do list. By the time you get into your 60s and 70s, you have a kind of confidence that comes with experience. You are freer to define the kind of life you want to lead. That’s a wonderful bonus for relationships. You put a premium not on scoring with someone, but on connecting with someone and being who you really are. When you’re young, there’s a lot of pressure to find your mate and settle down. Once you’re in your 50s and 60s, you don’t have that pressure. The urgency is to make friends. You’re dating for fun.
How do you balance commitments to a deceased spouse with beginning new relationship?
People who decouple again after having had a relationship before are able to embrace the past relationship and then move on. I think one of the dangers is that second relationships feel that they are in competition with first relationships. The man and the woman need to be very comfortable acknowledging that each person had a past life. The key is to have confidence in who you are in the relationship right now. Remember the past, but also don’t let it weight you down.
How do kids from previous relationships come into play?
You redefine your relationship with your adult children. They are no longer a dependent child, but someone who is also an adult who you can be very close to. They may think it’s cool that Grandma goes out on a date or [that] adult children may be protective. They want to make sure that their mom is not going to get hurt or their dad is not going to be taken for a ride. Adult children are usually happy that their parents, who have become single from a death or a divorce, are going on dates and have someone special in their lives.
Do baby boomers and seniors frequently look up old flames from high school or college?
This happens quite frequently. Sometimes people wonder what has happened to someone they had cared about so many years ago. Sometimes it is part of a reunion of a college class. Sometimes people look them up with the Internet. You go to your hometown for a funeral and you run into that person’s family. It’s a way that older people like to write their narrative of relations and make a coherent story
What dating mistakes are baby boomers and seniors making?
In the research that I did, finding a partner and being part of a couple is not enough. You really need a network of friends and family to enrich your life. You should have about eight or 10 people in your circle. If you get below three, you may become quite isolated.
| 10 Reasons to Have a Will | |
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THIS INFORMATION IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ADVICE OF AN ATTORNEY.
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| 10. Your assets do not pass to the right people. | |
| If you do not specify who inherits your assets in a Will, the intestacy laws will govern. In some states, if your assets pass by intestacy and you have children, your spouse receives the first $30,000 of your personal property and either a one-third or one-half interest in your remaining property. The rest will be distributed to your children. Accordingly, if you have a child who has not spoken to you in years, that child will get an equal share of the remaining one-half or one-third of your estate. If you do not have any children but your parents survive you, your spouse will end up sharing your assets with his or her in-laws. In North Carolina, your spouse gets the first $50,000 of your personal property, and anything above that amount will be split evenly between your parents and spouse.
Similarly, if you have a Will but it is out of date, your Will may not sufficiently provide for those you now consider to be your beneficiaries. |
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| 9. The IRS may become a beneficiary of your estate. | |
| Intestacy distributions do not incorporate any tax planning. As a result, more assets than necessary may be diverted from your heirs into the federal and state treasury. For example, under current law, if you die without leaving a surviving spouse, the federal and state estate taxes on a $2 million estate in the year 2000 would be $560,250. There are many commonly used techniques that could reduce your overall estate tax bill that could be implemented with the help of an estate planner. With proper planning, the amounts going to the government rather than your heirs could be significantly reduced. | |
| 8. If you own a family business, it could pass to individuals who do not get along. | |
| If your assets pass by intestacy, or if you have acquired a family business since you had your Will drawn, your family business could be divided in an inappropriate way. For example, your second spouse may end up sharing the family business with your children from a prior marriage. In fact, the children from the prior marriage could end up controlling the family business that had been run by you and your second spouse, leaving your spouse with no control over the asset that could be his or her primary source of support. | |
| 7. The court has to be involved in family finances. | |
| In a Will, you are able to confer specific powers on your Executor and Trustee in addition to those granted by statute, such as the ability to serve as fiduciary without posting bond or filing certain accountings or to sell real estate without a court proceeding. If a person does not have a Will, or the Will they have does not confer these specific powers, many things cannot be done throughout the estate administration without going to court. For example, if a person dies without a Will or that person’s Will does not give the Executor the express power to sell real estate, the personal representative of the estate will have to go through a judicial sale to sell any real property in the estate to pay debts, expenses and taxes of the estate. Such proceedings are bothersome and expensive. | |
| 6. The court will appoint the guardian of your minor children without your input. | |
| If you die without a will, the court will appoint the guardian of your minor children without any input from you. A recommendation by a parent as to a guardian for his or her minor children can serve as a “strong guide” to the clerk in appointing a guardian for those minor children. In addition, a person may recommend in his or her Will that the guardian not be required to post bond.If you have a Will, but it was drawn many years ago, the person you recommended in your Will to serve as guardian of your minor children may no longer be the appropriate person to serve as guardian, or may not be capable of serving as guardian. | |
| 5. Your children may receive distributions at too young an age. | |
| If you die without a Will, once your assets are divided according to the intestacy laws and your children reach age 18, the funds are theirs to use as they want. Children at age 18 may not use such funds wisely. Instead of using such funds for a mortgage or college tuition, they could buy a sports car or support a bad habit or girlfriend/boyfriend. In a Will, you can establish a trust that provides for distributions at ages that are more appropriate than age 18.Similarly, if you have a Will that was drawn several years ago, the trust provisions for your children established years ago may not be appropriate based on their current situations.
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| 4. Your administrator may end up chasing beneficiaries to pay taxes. | |
| Wills typically specify which portion of the estate will bear the burden of estate taxes and enables the Executor to gather assets to pay those taxes. Often, the Will provides that the residue of the estate bears the tax burden, which results in the taxes being paid out of this pot of money before distributions to the residuary takers are made. If you die without a Will, taxes can be allocated proportionately to the assets inherited.Assets that are not distributed pursuant to your Will, such as life insurance and retirement benefits, are still part of your estate and, thus, can generate estate taxes. As a result, the administrator of an interstate decedent will be forced to retrieve funds from the beneficiaries of such assets to pay estate taxes.
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| 3. Your assets could end up with your child’s ex-spouse or creditor. | |
| Without a Will, your children inherit their share of your assets outright at age 18, as mentioned above. A Will allows a person to leave assets to children in trust rather than outright. Such a trust can provide a distribution scheme that would prevent a child’s share of your assets passing to their ex-spouse or to a creditor. | |
| 2. Equal distributions to children can be inequitable. | |
| If you die without a Will, and leave behind two children and no spouse, those two children will share equally in your estate. What if one of your children is 32 and a surgeon, and one of your children is 19 and has just begun college? Even though you have already put one child through college and medical school, that child will share equally with the child that is just beginning college, which is probably an inequitable result. This scenario could also happen with a Will that is greatly outdated. | |
| 1. The last thing you say to your loved ones is “I Don’t Care.” | |
| One of the last things your family may remember about you is how your estate is settled. If you leave an estate that is extremely difficult to administer and that results in inequitable or inappropriate distributions because you did not have a Will or you did not update your Will as needed, you may be indicating to your family that they were not worth the trouble of planning ahead for their future.
In conclusion, estate planning is something that people generally find to be painful to get started, but often feel a sense of comfort once it is done. Be forewarned that most estate plans involve issues other than drawing a Will, such as procuring life insurance, getting an attorney-in-fact in place, having certain health care documents, possibly establishing trusts and re-titling assets, and reviewing retirement benefits. In addition, estate planning is an on-going process. If your family situation changes, your financial picture changes, or there are significant changes in the law, you need to revisit your estate plan and possibly consult with your estate planner about making some changes to your plan. But don’t let that scare you into not starting the process at all. As you can see from the “10 Bad Things” above, you don’t want to suffer the consequences of not having a Will.
Two Final Considerations: A power of attorney is a document in which you give someone the legal authority to act for you. A Living Will has three purposes: It gives your doctor your instructions about life sustaining procedures, artificial nourishment and organ donation. |
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Caregiving takes many forms. Many of us help older, sick, or disabled family members and friends every day. We know we are helping, but we don’t think of ourselves as caregivers. We are glad to do this and feel rewarded by it, but if the demands are heavy, over time we can also become exhausted and stressed. We think we should be able to handle caregiving roles on top of busy work and family schedules and begin to feel guilty and depressed as our stamina wanes.
About 44 million Americans provide 37 billion hours of unpaid, “informal” care each year for adult family members and friends with chronic illnesses or conditions that prevent them from handling daily activities such as bathing, managing medications or preparing meals on their own. Family caregivers, particularly women, provide over 75% of caregiving support in the United States. In 2007, the estimated economic value of family caregivers’ unpaid contributions was at least $375 billion, which is how much it would cost to replace that care with paid services.1
The short answer is most of us, at some point in our lives. Caregivers are daughters, wives, husbands, sons, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, partners and friends. While some people receive care from paid caregivers, most rely on unpaid assistance from families, friends and neighbors.
Caregivers manage a wide range of responsibilities. In your family, for example, are you the person who:
In small doses, these jobs are manageable. But having to juggle competing caregiving demands with the demands of your own life on an ongoing basis can be quite a challenge.
With the 65+ age group expected to double to 70 million people by 2030,2 family caregivers increasingly provide care for aging parents, siblings, and friends, most of whom have one or more chronic conditions3 and who wish to remain in their own homes and communities as they age.4 Others belong to the “sandwich generation,” caring for children and parents at the same time.
Caregiving roles and demands are impacted by a number of other factors, including:
For some people, caregiving occurs gradually over time. For others, it can happen overnight. Caregivers may be full- or part-time; live with their loved one or provide care from a distance. Caregivers provide a wide range of services, from simple help such as grocery shopping, to complex medical procedures. For the most part, friends, neighbors, and most of all, families, provide–without pay–the vast majority of healthcare in this country.
It is easy to become overwhelmed as a new caregiver. Five steps that can help are:
Data from many studies and reports reveal the following information about caregivers:
Recent medical advances, shorter hospital stays, increasing life spans with better management of chronic illnesses, limited discharge planning, a shortage of homecare workers, and the expansion of home care technology have increased the caregiving responsibilities of families. Family caregivers are being asked to shoulder greater burdens for longer periods of time. In addition to more complex care, conflicting demands of jobs and family, increasing economic pressure, and the physical and emotional demands of long-term caregiving can result in major health impacts on caregivers.20
Over all, caregivers who experience the greatest emotional stress tend to be female. They are at risk for high levels of stress, frustration, anxiety, exhaustion and anger, depression, increased use of alcohol or other substances, reduced immune response, poor physical health and more chronic conditions, neglecting their own care and have higher mortality rates compared to noncaregivers.21
In addition, most caregivers are ill-prepared for their role and provide care with little or no support22; yet more than one-third of caregivers continue to provide intense care to others while suffering from poor health themselves.23 An influential factor in a caregiver’s decision to place an impaired relative in a long-term care facility is the family caregiver’s own physical health.24
Long term caregiving has significant financial consequences for caregivers, particularly for women. Informal caregivers personally lose about $659,139 over a lifetime: $25,494 in Social Security benefits; $67,202 in pension benefits; and $566,443 in forgone wages.
Caregivers face the loss of income of the care recipient, loss of their own income if they reduce their work hours or leave their jobs, loss of employer-based medical benefits, shrinking of savings to pay caregiving costs, and a threat to their retirement income due to fewer contributions to pensions and other retirement vehicles.25
Caregiving also has a substantial impact on business. Lost productivity due to informal caregiving costs businesses $17.1 billion annually.26 Absenteeism, replacing employees who quit in order to provide care and other caregiving-related activities also have serious financial consequences to employers. For instance:
Working caregivers often suffer many work-related difficulties due to their “second careers” as caregivers. Sixty-seven percent of family caregivers report conflicts between caregiving and employment, resulting in reduced work hours or unpaid leave.28
The importance of eldercare is now recognized by a growing number of employers, with movement toward more flexible work schedules, “cafeteria style” benefits, in-house support groups, and education, information, and referrals provided through employee assistance programs.
Policy changes have also supported family caregivers. Companies with 50 or more employees must comply with the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a seriously ill parent, spouse or child, while protecting job security. Smaller firms can use the FMLA guidelines to provide support for individual employees. Paid Family Leave (PFL) provides workers with a maximum of six weeks of partial pay each year while taking time off from work to care for a seriously ill parent, child, spouse or registered domestic partner, and has been instituted in several states, including California. Policy changes that could also benefit family caregivers include paid sick leave that can be used by employees for themselves or to care for family members and expanding FMLA beyond immediate family members to include care for siblings, in-laws and grandparents.29
It is important to make legal preparations in the event a parent becomes cognitively impaired. Typical concerns include who will manage the confused person’s money, who will make important health care decisions and how to plan for long-term care.
An attorney can help plan for the financial aspects of long-term care needs, assist with surrogate decision-making tools such as the durable power of attorney (DPA) and a durable power of attorney for health care (DPAHC), and provide guidance in obtaining a conservatorship should the care recipient lack the capacity to make decisions. A conservatorship provides the legal authority to manage a person’s finances, estate, personal affairs, assets and medical care.30
Because of the multi-faceted role that family and informal caregivers play, they need a range of support services to remain healthy, improve their caregiving skills and remain in their caregiving role. Support services include information, assistance, counseling, respite, home modifications or assistive devices, caregiver and family counseling, and support groups. While many services are available through local government agencies, service organizations, or faith-based organizations, employers’ programs also can mitigate the impact that caregiving can have on workers.
Services that improve caregiver depression, anxiety and anger benefit both the caregiver and the care recipient.31 Evidence also shows that caregiver support delays or prevents nursing home placement; people with moderate dementia have been able to defer placement by nearly 1.5 years when their family members receive caregiver services, including counseling, information and ongoing support.32
Family caregiving is the backbone of the United States’ long term care system as well as the core of what sustains frail elders and adults with disabilities, yet caregivers often make major sacrifices to help loved ones remain in their homes. A federal investment in family caregiver support is needed now more than ever.
A national agenda is needed that:
With the dramatic aging of the population, we will be relying even more on families to provide care for their aging parents, relatives and friends for months and years at a time. Yet, the enormous pressures and risks of family caregiving—burnout, compromised health, depression and depletion of financial resources—are a reality of daily life for millions of American families and pose great strain on family caregivers, many of whom are struggling to balance work and family responsibilities.
Families need information and their own support services to preserve their critical role as caregivers, but frequently they do not know where to turn for help. When they do seek assistance, many community agencies cannot provide adequate supports due to funding constraints and out-dated policies. The federal government can help by taking steps to ensure that all family caregivers have access to caregiver assistance and to practical, high quality, and affordable home and community-based services. These are tough economic times, but supporting family caregivers is one of the most cost-effective long-term care investments we can make. As long as caregivers are able to provide care, they are often able to delay costly nursing home placements and reduce reliance on programs like Medicaid.
Great Ideas for Senior Citizens on Preventing Identity Theft
For the sixth consecutive year, identity theft surpassed construction, credit card and debt collection fraud as the most prevalent form of consumer fraud, according to the Federal Trade Commission, which received 255,000 identity theft complaints last year.Limiting exposure of personal information is the best way to protect yourself from fraud
Checks:
● Use your initials and last name when ordering printed checks. A check forger won’t know how you sign your checks, but your bank will.
● Do not have your home phone number or Social Security number printed on your checks. Use your work phone number. Use a post office box or work address instead of your home address.
● Order new checks from your bank and pick them up at the bank, rather than having them sent to your home mailbox.
Credit cards
● When paying credit card bills, write only the last four digits of the account number in the check memo line.
● Do not sign the back of your credit card. Instead write, “Photo ID required.”
● Photocopy both sides of your driver’s license, credit cards and other important contents of your wallet. In the event it is stolen, you’ll know exactly what is missing.
● Keep a list of your credit card numbers and their toll-free customer service numbers so you can cancel cards quickly if lost or stolen. Keep the list in a safe place in your home, not in your wallet.
Social Security Number
● Do not carry your Social Security card in your wallet. Memorize the number and put the original card in a safe place.
● If you believe your Social Security number has been compromised, contact the Social Security Administration fraud line 800-269-0271.
PINs and Passwords
● Do not write your PIN on the back of the card or on anything else in your wallet.
● Use different PINs for each debit and credit card. If you have too many to remember, consider reducing the number of cards you carry in your wallet.
● Do not use easily available information, like your birth date, phone number or part of your Social Security number, for PINS and passwords.
Mail and Trash
● Use post office collection boxes for outgoing mail, rather than your home mail box.
● Shred any trash that may contain personal information, including charge receipts, credit applications, insurance forms, medical statements, checks and bank statements, expired credit and debit cards and direct mail credit offers.
● You can opt not to receive direct mail credit offers by calling 888-567-8688.
If your wallet is stolen, you should immediately:
● File a police report to document the theft and the wallet contents.
● Contact one of the national credit reporting organizations (listed below) to have a fraud alert placed on your name and Social Security number. The organization you contact is required to contact the other two. If the thief’s purchases initiate a credit check, the credit reporting organization can alert the merchant. Placing a fraud alert entitles you to free copies of your credit reports.
● Equifax 800-525-6285
● Experian 888-397-3742
● Trans Union 800-680-7289
● Close all accounts for missing credit cards. Check your credit reports for accounts opened fraudulently.
● File a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, which maintains a database of identity theft cases, online at www.consumer.gov/idtheft. This database assists law enforcement agencies and helps the FTC learn more about identity theft.
● Notify your bank if your wallet contained a checkbook or debit/ATM cards.
One call to your cardholder is all it takes to inactivate your credit card. You can easily quiet a nagging desire to use your card by thinking of the embarrassment you’ll feel when the clerk says your credit card has been denied. Closing credit cards can have a negative impact on your credit score, so make sure you’re not closing a card you should be leaving open.
Office shredders work just as well on that little piece of plastic as it does on your paper. If your credit card is in pieces, there’s no way you can swipe it. Don’t have a shredder? Scissors work just as well. Cut the card up into small pieces so the credit card number can’t be guessed by identity thieves.
Take your credit cards out of your wallet before you go shopping. If you get the urge to buy something, you’ll either have to use cash or come back for the item once you have your credit card.
The “out of sight, out of mind” approach might be the thing to work for you. Put your credit cards somewhere that takes effort to get them – in a safe, file cabinet, the bottom of the laundry. Keeping your credit cards out of your immediate reach will help control your “need” to use them.
Have you ever thought about the amount of money you spend in interest each year? Or the length of time it will take to pay off your credit cards? Sometimes the numbers will shock you into putting your credit cards away for good. A $1,000 balance at 14% will take you 4 1/2 years to pay off if you make $25 payments each month. You’ll have paid $347.55 in interest by the time you pay off the balance.
Positive reinforcement goes a long way in building a habit. We use it with our kids and with our pets. Why not use it with ourselves? Each week that you don’t use your credit card, treat yourself to something you like but don’t ordinarily allow yourself to indulge. Keep your treats on the inexpensive/free end of the spectrum so you don’t upset your monthly budget.
Being able to tell yourself “no” is a skill that goes beyond using credit cards. The same self-discipline that gets you to work on time each morning can also be used to stop using your credit cards. Think twice about swiping your credit card just like you’d think twice about pressing snooze just one more time.